Liberating Yourself From The Burden of Relationships, Responsibilities and Expectations
- Eloise Bonel
- Dec 14, 2025
- 4 min read
"If these people weren’t around, my life would be easier and I’d finally be free"
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re definitely not alone.
I’ve heard so many versions of this over the years from my clients expressing the inner conflict and frustration of feeling weighed down by responsibilities, relationships and expectations.
It’s not that you actually want these people to disappear.
It’s the feeling you want to be free from.
The good news is...
You can set yourself free AND probably keep your relationships in tact
Once you address what’s really going on…
Simply put, you’ve handed the keys to your life over to someone else without either of you even knowing it.
But why would you do that?
Being Everything to Everyone and Nothing to Yourself
When we tie our identity to being needed, we forget who we are because we start to see ourselves through other people’s eyes and what we can do for them.
The result...
You only feel valuable when you're useful.
You say yes before you even check in with yourself.
Because you’re always willing, people start to ask more and more from you.
And slowly over time…
Your needs become optional.
Your preferences disappear.
Your identity becomes built around what others expect instead of who you really are.
The truth is...
Over giving is a fast track to disconnection, resentment and unfulfillment.
And it’s not that they took too much, but that you’ve given yourself away without knowing your value or considering the cost.
Being needed is not the same as being loved.
When you stop performing for love, you finally get to experience it for who you are, instead of what you can do for others.
Taking Responsibility for Other People’s Feelings and Experience
When we assume responsibility for how everyone else feels, life becomes a mental and emotional tightrope.
The result...
You stop making choices based on what you want and start making choices based on what will keep the peace and everyone else happy.
You don’t express your needs because you’re too busy anticipating theirs.
You stay small and accommodating to keep everyone else comfortable.
The truth is...
No one actually benefits when you try to manage their inner world.
They lose the chance to build emotional resilience.
You lose agency, authenticity, and the freedom to choose based on what is true for you.
AND...
You’re not abandoning anyone when you stop managing their experience...
You’re simply returning responsibility to its rightful owner.
This is where true autonomy for both of you begins.
When You Run Out of People to Blame, All You're Left With is Yourself.
Going after what you want is scary. It brings up all the mental chatter of:
What if I fail?
What if it works and I can’t keep up?
What if I choose the wrong thing?
It can be easier to put the blame on someone else as the “reason” why you can’t than it is to take responsibility for how you’re showing up and face your underlying fears:
“I can’t because of this person or thing”
“I would, but the situation makes it impossible”
“I want to, but this person needs me”
It sounds logical
It sounds responsible
It’s keeping you safe from disappointment
AND...
It’s also keeping you stuck and unfulfilled with your life on hold.
The truth is...
You’re the only one living your life.
It’s unfair on the people you claim to love to burden them with the responsibility of your unlived life.
The moment you stop blaming things outside of you is the moment you uncover the harsh truth that you’re not where you want to be because of the action you’re not taking.
It might be confronting, but the moment you recognise responsibility ends with what you’re choosing, is the moment you set yourself free - either through action or acceptance.
Abandoning Yourself to Avoid Being Abandoned by Others.
Sometimes, we try really hard to be the person for others that we secretly wish someone would be for us:
Thoughtful
Generous
Always available
Often at the expense of our time, energy, and money.
Underneath is the quiet hope of “If I don’t abandon them, they won’t abandon me”.
The truth is...
Over giving doesn’t guarantee we won’t be abandoned by another person
AND...
By projecting your abandonment fears onto this relationship, you’re actually abandoning yourself in the process.
AND...
Self abandonment cuts way deeper than abandonment from any other person because you’re the only person whose actions you can guarantee.
By living through these stories, we give our power away which can feel more comfortable than keeping it within us.
Because keeping our power means taking responsibility.
But the path forward isn’t removing people from your life.
It’s to stop making them the gatekeepers of the life you want so you can actually start living it on your terms.
AND...
Your freedom and autonomy are already here.
They’re found when you reclaim the parts of yourself that you’ve been outsourcing:
Your needs.
Your boundaries.
Your desires.
Your agency.
You don’t need permission to take them back, you just need to decide.
x Eloise
P.s Applications are now open for 1 on 1 coaching in 2026! If you're ready to break old patterns and finally feel clear, grounded and confident in who you are, show up authentically in your relationships, stop abandoning your needs and desires and create a life that feels good to live, you can apply here and I'll be in touch.
AI Disclaimer : The image used in this post was created by Wix AI. All other content is a product of my real, human brain.
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